In my business I speak to 100s of women every month – both online through my social media channels, offline at events and obviously my clients (I have 100+ in my membership site and over 50 on various programs with me).
One of the key indicators of success is resilience. The women I meet are talented, smart and have great business ideas however only a fraction of them will be as successful as they desire. The one characteristic that those who are successful share is resilience, they keep going, keep learning and keep taking action even when the feel like hiding under the duvet.
How do I know? because I have been one of them my whole life and in business this quality has stood me in good stead. In the last two years I have had people “ghost” me, say no to me, tell me I am not good enough, I have had trolls on social media, I ran a networking event and 2 people came, I created an online course that nobody bought, my first Facebook group was a ghost town…
Trust me, I have had some tough times. BUT, I have always picked myself up and dusted myself down and kept going. Writing it down sounds easy. It hasn't always been, there have been tears, scrolling through social media thinking “Why do they have it sorted when I don't”, I have judged myself harshly.
BUT, whether due to stubbornness in the fact that I love what I do and I know I help people I have kept going. In part this comes down to confidence, I had been coaching for years prior to starting up my business and had measurable results in the teams I managed so I knew I was good at it. Plus I knew it was all I wanted to do. I didn't (and still don't) have a Plan B. This is my career for life.
That can be scary, and anxiety inducing. Of course, I still have moments when I think “am I good enough?” and “what if I fail?” but these are much less frequent. The difference is when these feelings come up now I have enough reserves to move forward.
Often I meet women and they are critical of others who are more successful “I have had more experience than her” or “she isn't even qualified – how can she call herself a coach”. My response is always the same, it doesn't matter if you are smarter or see yourself as better than someone else unless you are taking action you won't ever be as successful.
Carol Dweck talks about developing a growth mindset and her teaching is widespread in schools, but how does this translate to reality? A growth mindset is the same as resilience – it is understanding that you can get better, that if at first you don't get to where you want to be keep going.
One of my clients recently said to me, I don't lack confidence because I know I can learn to do all of the things I want to do to be successful. I know from this sentence she will get to exactly where she wants to be.
My daughter is 3, she often shouts out for help completing a puzzle. When I let her do it herself and keep going she gets there. If she is really struggling, I help but I always give her time. In my eyes helping her develop her resilience so she keeps going even when its tough is one of the greatest gifts I can give her.