Resilience is one of the best qualities we can develop over the course of our lives; those that are the most resilient often get the best results. As a coach, it is important to help clients build resilience but also demonstrate it. We have to set that good example.
Resilience has a different definition to different people. We can assume resilience is working long hours, even when we’re feeling drained, or making sure we show up every single time, no matter what. However, these are simply stories we tell ourselves. You don’t necessarily have to worker harder to achieve your goals but you do need to take responsibility for them, you can read more in my blog – Taking responsibility for achieving your goals.
Often, we pick up these unhelpful stories from the past – from school, from work, from our first jobs – thinking that if we’re not working hard and proving ourselves, then we’re not doing ourselves or those we work for justice. But it’s not true. Resilience is not working yourself to a state where you are an emotional wreck; it is an inner feeling of true peace, no matter what the circumstances.
Think about that inner unconscious story that you might have lurking inside your mind. How is it serving you? What can you do differently?
It is only when we start thinking of resilience on a greater and deeper level that we can truly overcome the challenges in our lives. We must think of ourselves as a whole person – physical, cognitive and emotional. To increase our capacity for resilience, we have to look after ourselves in all three of these areas.
Self-care becomes a vital component and one that is often overlooked in busy times. It is about improving our sleep, diet and exercise and managing stress where possible, but also tuning in to reflect on where we are emotionally. We must catch ourselves before we are likely to react rather than respond.
There are two exercises that can be used to help improve self-care and therefore resilience, inspired by Stephen Covey’s – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and James Clear’s Atomic Habits -why not give them a go at home?
Move your to-do tasks into two main categories – important-urgent tasks, such as showing up for client calls or work meetings, and important-not-urgent tasks, such as personal development activities. This helps you to focus on urgency and yet also develop that resilience with important secondary tasks, whether that is exercise, surrounding yourself with positive people, or pursuing a hobby. These give you the break and space needed to perform better.
As a result, you are avoiding those not-important tasks, such as scrolling through Instagram or mindlessly shopping online. These do nothing for our goals, mental and emotional wellbeing and act as merely distractions.
Split your thoughts and experiences into two categories – those you can control and those you can’t. Then, eliminate those you can’t control. Simply stop thinking about them! Stop yourself from wasting valuable time looking at something that doesn’t serve you.
It is only when we focus on those things we can control and find a better way to manage those important aspects of our lives, that we can have a greater impact, driving success. And with this comes true resilience.
For more ideas and tips please join my free Coaching Facebook community – The Coaching Collective.