How to Overcome Emotional Ties

June 23, 2020

When was the last time you sat down and really focused on how you were feeling? When did you last stop and think: I am feeling this way, because of this situation, and this is how I will overcome this feeling?

Most of the time, the world is our comforting distraction. There is no need to feel an emotion when we can paper over the cracks with socialising, drinking, working, and more. The problem is that papering over the cracks doesn’t make those cracks disappear, and one day that wall will fall over because you avoided fixing it. Which is why it's also important to ask for help when you need it. You can read more about in blog “Why it's important to ask for help”.

The world is noisy and sometimes we just need to embrace the silence – to allow ourselves to sit as we are, with nothing to do, with only the thoughts and emotions inside of ourselves. For some people, meditation is the answer. It is their moment of peace where they can really tune in with how they are feeling today, whether that is restlessness, contentment, sadness, or nothing at all. It is a good starting place – a place where you can begin to explore something deeper inside of you. Being mindful 

For others, silence can just be sitting on the edge of your bed or having a quiet cup of tea in the garden. Either way, you are beginning to acknowledge your feelings, rather than pretend they are not there. 

Try this simple exercise 

Find a quiet space:

  • Sit upright in a quiet environment with your eyes closed
  • Think up a negative situation from your life that makes you feel uncomfortable, that you have perhaps avoided or distracted yourself from
  • Sit with those feelings and acknowledge them for what they are, without any judgement. Let yourself cry if you need to. Let yourself feel whatever it is. 

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself, whilst you are exploring these emotions:

  • Where does this feeling come from? Have I absorbed it from someone else? Am I carrying this feeling from the past?
  • How long have I felt like this?
  • Why am I feeling like this? Does it derive from a deeper insecurity, rather than the situation on the surface?
  • How do I want to feel instead? And how can I make that happen?

So, how can you make it happen? How can you turn your negative emotions into something positive?

The answer is: reframe your mind

It is easy to believe the mind is a fixed state that our thoughts are stuck inside our brains and that’s the way they always will be. But it’s not true. Thoughts can be changed and reframed to think more positively. The only catch: you have to want to do it and be ready to put in the effort. 

It is only when you reframe negative situations that you can start to release the emotional ties you have attached to it. When you let yourself feel those emotions for what they are and let them go with a fresher and more positive mindset, you will start believing that the negative situation is a moment of growth rather than failure. 

So, whilst your eyes are closed and you are feeling that negative situation for what it is, tell yourself the positive side to it. Tell yourself what you would tell a friend if they were in your position. 

And, as you breathe out, let it all go.

For more tips and inspiration join my Facebook community the Coaching Collective.

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