What saps your motivation and makes you think “I can’t be bothered”August 25, 2016
This week I have been thinking a lot about what motivates me and others and how this can change when we become mums as our priorities and values may change. Today I am writing about what saps your motivation and makes you switch off and think “I don't actually give a damn!”
When I was a fresh newbie graduate I was hungry to get on the career ladder and do well. I had a fantastic graduate job lined up straight from uni so set off travelling for four months, two months into my travels the graduate job was cancelled. I was lucky enough to get a £5000 pay off (which goes a long way in South East Asia in the early noughties) and pushed all thoughts of my future career out of my mind and trained to be a diving instructor instead.
Fast forward 9 months and I was back in blighty brown, broke (hey, that diving is expensive and Australia isn't that cheap…) and pretty desperate for a job. I decided that I would work in recruitment, there were loads of jobs and a friend was on six figures so it sounded pretty good. I did my research and made sure that when I was asked what motivated me I said money because this was what they wanted to hear and it must be true because how else would I pay off that credit card? Two weeks down the line I was working in IT recruitment, 6 months later I had moved to finance recruitment and 2 1/2 years down the line I had left recruitment all together. The reason? you guessed it? I am not actually that motivated by money. This doesn't mean that I would work for nothing but my values are not solely based on financial reward. My mistake? I was doing what I thought I should be (and Mr HSBC was pretty glad I was too as he wanted his money) but I wasn't doing anything that really aligned with my values and what I am about.
So? what does that mean for you now? If you really value spending time with your family are you going to feel happy and fulfilled working in a job that means you spend minimal time with them during the week? If you value your independence are you going to be happy as a stay at home mum? if there is such an incongruence between what you are doing and your values your motivation levels will be low and you won't be feeling as happy as you could be. If you write down what your values are, what drives you spend some time thinking about if what you are doing now matches these, if it doesn't then its time for a change! Through coaching you can make that change.
So, what else demotivates you? we all hear about PMA (positive mental attitude) but what about NDCA (negative, don't care attitude). Every self help and self development guru will harp on about how we should surround ourselves with positive people as positivity breads positivity and surround ourselves with success as if our peers are being successful we will be too. The problem is it isn't always that easy, as a new mum you might feel that you are removed from your normal network anyway and you might not be surrounding yourself with anyone. As cheesy as it sounds I would say get yourself out there, this might not be in the physical sense the whole time – you can find funny, supportive, successful women online and they can have as positive an impact on your psyche as those that you meet face to face. Try your best not to fall into the negative, don't care attitude and those that hold it as well, don't meet up with the mum who just spends the whole time moaning about how little sleep she is getting or the perfect mum whose baby is already reading, talking and potty trained at 6 months (a sure fire way to get me to feel like crap!) and think about those people who make you laugh and feel good about yourself.
My final demotivator of the day is not having any goals. If you don't know what you want to achieve it can be hard to motivate yourself to get there. So take some time to really think about what your goals are, a tool we use in coaching is called the wheel of life. This activity gets you to look at all areas of your life and imagine if everything was where you wanted it to be (10/10) how you would feel and then to think about where you currently are. This gives you clarity surrounding your goals and where you want to be and when you know where you want to be it is a hell of a lot easier to get there.
To book a free consultation with me to help you with your goals, your values or creating a PMA please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org, have a great week